‘Mountains?’ Hagrid repeated,

‘Mountains?’ Hagrid repeated, clearly thinking fast. ‘Nope, South o’ France fer me. Bit o’ sun an’ ... an’ sea.’

‘Really?’ said Umbridge. ‘You don't have much of a tan.’

‘Yeah ... well ... sensitive skin,’ said Hagrid, attempting an ingratiating smile. Harry noticed that two of his teeth had been knocked out. Umbridge looked at him coldly; his smile faltered. Then she hoisted her handbag a little higher into the crook of her arm and said, ‘I shall, of course, be informing the Minister of your late return.’

‘Righ',’ said Hagrid, nodding.

‘You ought to know, too, that as High Inquisitor it is my unfortunate but necessary duty to inspect my fellow teachers. So I daresay we shall meet again soon enough.’

She turned sharply and marched back to the door.

‘You're inspectin’ us?’ Hagrid repeated blankly, looking after her.

‘Oh, yes,’ said Umbridge softly, looking back at him with her hand on the door handle. ‘The Ministry is determined to weed out unsatisfactory teachers, Hagrid. Goodnight.’

She left, closing the door behind her with a snap. Harry made to pull off the Invisibility Cloak but Hermione seized his wrist.

‘Not yet,’ she breathed in his ear. ‘She might not be gone yet.’

Hagrid seemed to be thinking the same way; he stumped across the room and pulled back the curtain an inch or so.

‘She's goin’ back ter the castle,’ he said in a low voice. ‘Blimey ... inspectin’ people, is she?’

‘Yeah,’ said Harry, pulling off the Cloak. ‘Trelawney's on probation already ...’

‘Um ... what sort of thing are you planning to do with us in class, Hagrid?’ asked Hermione.

‘Oh, don’ you worry abou’ that, I've got a great load o’ lessons planned,’ said Hagrid enthusiastically, scooping up his dragon steak from the table and slapping it over his eye again. ‘I've bin keepin’ a couple o’ creatures saved fer yer OWL year; you wait, they're somethin’ really special.’

‘Erm ... special in what way?’ asked Hermione tentatively.

‘I'm not sayin',’ said Hagrid happily. ‘I don’ want ter spoil the surprise.’

‘Look, Hagrid,’ said Hermione urgently, dropping all pretence, ‘Professor Umbridge won't be at all happy if you bring anything to class that's too dangerous.’

‘Dangerous?’ said Hagrid, looking genially bemused. ‘Don’ be silly, I wouldn’ give yeh anythin’ dangerous! I mean, all righ', they can look after themselves—’

‘Hagrid, you've got to pass Umbridge's inspection, and to do that it would really be better if she saw you teaching us how to look after Porlocks, how to tell the difference between Knarls and hedgehogs, stuff like that!’ said Hermione earnestly.

‘But tha's not very interestin', Hermione,’ said Hagrid. ‘The stuff I've got's much more impressive. I've bin bringin’ ‘em on fer years, I reckon I've got the on'y domestic herd in Britain.’

‘Hagrid ... please ...’ said Hermione, a note of real desperation in her voice. ‘Umbridge is looking for any excuse to get rid of teachers she thinks are too close to Dumbledore. Please, Hagrid, teach us something dull that's bound to come up in our OWL.’

But Hagrid merely yawned widely and cast a one-eyed look of longing towards the vast bed in the corner.

‘Lis'en, it's bin a long day an’ it's late,’ he said, patting Hermione gently on the shoulder, so that her knees gave way and hit the floor with a thud. ‘Oh—sorry—’ He pulled her back up by the neck of her robes. ‘Look, don’ you go worryin’ abou’ me, I promise yeh I've got really good stuff planned fer yer lessons now I'm back ... now you lot had better get back up to the castle, an’ don’ forget ter wipe yer tootprints out behind yeh!’

‘I dunno if you got through to him,’ said Ron a short while later when, having checked that the coast was clear, they walked back up to the castle through the thickening snow, leaving no trace behind them due to the Obliteration Charm Hermione was performing as they went.

‘Then I'll go back again tomorrow,’ said Hermione determinedly. ‘I'll plan his lessons for him if I have to. I don't care if she throws out Trelawney but she's not getting rid of Hagrid!’